VOTERS' JOKES ABOUT MANUEL MANOY ALIPON
Everybody in Laguna is laughing at the most corrupt
Vice Mayor that Santa Rosa ever had. Even after the voters
booted him out of City Hall, Manuel Manoy Alipon drives
in convoy of illegal private army and pretends to be
the nation's Emperor!!!
If you have recently heard another Manoy joke, or variation
of a Manoy joke that was already sent, just send email
to: jokes@manuelgonzalesalipon.com
The fictitiously flattering face that was fraudulently fabricated
by some feeble-mindedfutile followers of the fiendish felon Manuel Manoy Alipon to further his follies on
Facebook is foredoomed to be a foolish flop, fed as farcical fodder to faithless
frightened funereal freaks who secretly find it filthy, foul and funny.
Sincere thanks to all the whistle blowers who pointed this out to us.
Ha ha ha. The Manoy Alipon Gang's fake image of the corrupt prehistoric foe that every genuine
patriotic Santa Rosa Filipino of today is now actively fighting against is the biggest joke of all.
THE DOUBLE-CROSSING DEMON'S D-TEAM
WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE TO BET YOUR SHIRT ON A SATANIC LOSER
WHO IS ADDICTED TO CORRUPTION, SELF-AGGRANDIZEMENT,
AND DOUBLE-CROSSING THE PEOPLE THAT SUPPORT HIM?
Manuel Manoy Alipon’s cronies are Dishonored and Demoralized.
Manuel Manoy Alipon’s supporters are Disillusioned and Devastated.
Manuel Manoy Alipon’s soldiers are Disabled and Distraught.
Manuel Manoy Alipon’s relatives are Disgraced and Distressed.
All beginning with D from the Devil and his Defeated Disciple
Manuel Manoy Gonzales Alipon the Demon Destined for Damnation.
D means also his Deceitful corruption's Decadence, Depravity, Disaster,
Death and final Disintegration into Dust.
SIGNED AND VERIFIED JOINT MESSAGE
from M.E.A.T., Voter Power, OFW Power,
Business Power and Blogger Power
"Are you getting worried, Manuel Manoy Alipon?
You surely should be. All this bad publicity has
been caused by your infernal bloated ego, your
total lack of integrity, your blatant lies, your
shameful adulteries, your criminal mentality, your
insidious grafts and corruptions, your armed thefts
and robberies, your heinous other crimes, your vile
immorality, your sneaky political incompetence, and
your continuous driveling hypocrisy. Manuel Manoy
Judas Satan-Worshiper Alipon, you will never recover
the poor people's trust that you have always betrayed.
Secretly robbing the poor to make yourself rich is the
lowest, most despicable corruption. With automated
elections, people power will crush you and tread you
into the dirt where you deserve to be. You are a cretin,
a moron, an imbecile, a loser for evermore, and you
have yourself to blame for future humiliating failures.
All we need to do is tell people the truth about you,
and your corrupt actions make this so easy for us.
Like you, we are already making plans for the next
city election, and the one after, and the one after that.
Whatever evil tricks you indulge in, we will be watching
permanently to defeat you again and again and again.
puny satan is on your side. ALMIGHTY GOD IS ON OUR SIDE.
The result will always be a foregone conclusion:
satan worshiper Manuel Manoy 'Judas' Alipon will always lose,
and GOD'S FAITHFUL PEOPLE POWER WILL ALWAYS WIN!"
(Webmaster's review February 2011: The above is a serious message, not a joke.)
(This is not a joke either!)
Manuel Manoy Alipon's gang of thugs and sycophants plead that
as long as he has followers (themselves!) he must be a good person.
Our response is that many infamous criminals including vicious armed
robbers, callous drug traffickers, violent rapists, sadistic torturers,
psychotic serial killers and tyrannical mass murderers have had families
and cronies who supported them however heinous and abhorrent their crimes.
Did the fact that they all had followers somehow make them good people?
Adolf Hitler was responsible for millions of deaths including 6 million innocent
men, women and children starved in German concentration camps and then
massacred in the giant gas chambers that he ordered to be designed and built
specially for ruthless executions on a huge scale. Yet some people worshiped
him and did anything that he told them to do, however cruel and inhumane.
Did the fact that Hitler had followers somehow make him a good person?
Manuel Manoy Alipon's corrupt and dishonorable atrocities speak for
themselves, and he could never be regarded as a good person by any
civilized human standards. The gang of thugs and sycophants who
follow Alipon's orders are equally guilty of the crimes they commit,
and the poor who suffer most from Alipon's corruptions have every
right to fight back to protect their children and husbands or wives.
Q: What is the difference between Manuel Manoy Alipon and a mosquito?
A: Manuel Manoy Alipon is a lying blood-sucking parasite.
The mosquito is a flying blood-sucking parasite.
Hobbyist Volunteer 1: "Did you hear that Manuel Manoy Alipon is
already campaigning for the 2013 Election?"
Hobbyist Volunteer 2: "It's nothing new. We all saw him start his 2010 campaign
more than 2 years before the election. He failed and lost then because he's
such a corrupt and immoral trapo. He'll fail and lose next time also."
Hobbyist Volunteer 1: "Very true, but he's out of office now and has no leverage,
so I'm just curious about his latest frauds and tricks."
Hobbyist Volunteer 2: "Don't waste your time on him. Manuel Manoy Alipon is a loser
who spends all campaign donations on self-aggrandizement, and then blows every
political opportunity he gets. He's nothing more than a narcissist, a vain self-lover.
It explains his endless grafts and corruptions and extortions and robberies and
plunders and sexual immoralities. Voters say that Alipon's style of politics is
extinct as the Dodo bird. Everyone in Sta. Rosa can see this says it all."
Hobbyist Volunteer 1: "Hmmm, yes, I agree. You're right my friend."
Take the evil out of Manuel Manoy Alipon and he'll shrink to the size of an askal.
Take the lies out of him too and he'll disappear in a puff of Balibago air pollution.
Political analysts say that the only way any incumbent can possibly lose an election
is if she or he would eat a live rat in front of the TV cameras. Manuel Manoy Alipon was
himself the live rat, which explains his Lucifer-like nosedive on May 10, 2010. People who
misguidedly supported this evil man and his gang in city or barangay elections will suffer
with strokes and heart attacks when they find out to their dismay what a disastrous mistake
they made for the future of Santa Rosa and for the future of their children and grandchildren.
Vote buying, list juggling and ballot snatching were all reported in what were hopefully the last
local elections not to be automated. Vote buying was particularly rampant in the SK sector.
(Webmaster's review February 2011:
The above is a serious message, not a joke.)
Recently Recruited Student Volunteer: "So you've noticed. Other volunteers say he never had a grip on reality."
Newly Recruited Student Volunteer: "Why are they working for him then?"
Recently Recruited Student Volunteer: "Just for the experience. They say you can learn a lot from his mistakes."
Newly Recruited Student Volunteer: "Hmm... and when did he switch from Catholicism to corruption?"
Recently Recruited Student Volunteer: "After he failed to make the grade as seminarian about 35 years ago."
Newly Recruited Student Volunteer: "Hmm... I can see what they mean, but I want to work for someone honest."
Recently Recruited Student Volunteer: "Me too. Let's get out of here."
Q: Why did God create Manuel Manoy Alipon?
A: To show students a bad example.
1st Student: "What's wrong? You look like someone just stole your beer."
2nd Student: "I've been thinking."
1st Student: "Don't joke me! What's up?"
2nd Student: "I'm serious. We've been talked into helping Manuel Manoy Alipon,
but do we really know the truth about him?"
1st Student: "F**k that, I don't care, we've got nothing else to do.
Get me another beer."
2nd Student: Here's your beer. But what if Alipon did all the things he's accused of?"
1st Student: "Thanks. How could we ever know?
You don't really think he'd admit it, do you?"
2nd Student: "No, he'd never admit any wrongdoing. Politicians never admit anything.
It's just he's got that look about him of someone with something to hide."
1st Student: "I know what you mean. Probably with a lot to hide. That's his trade.
Come on, we need something to occupy us for the summer."
2nd Student: "No, I'm sorry, it's not for me, something's not right.
I don't trust Manuel Manoy Alipon or his family."
1st Student: "Who does? Ha ha ha! You've got a point. Nobody trusts the Alipon family!
Okay, I concur, let's get a group together and do something more interesting."
Male Campaign Volunteer: "Why is Manuel Manoy Alipon recruiting more student volunteers?"
Female Campaign Volunteer: "Because none of them stay long, and he tries to seduce the young girls."
Male Campaign Volunteer: "But he's old and has no power now. Does he ever get his way with any girls?"
Female Campaign Volunteer: "Only when he pays them for it. Some are really desperate for money."
When he was City Vice Mayor, 20 Santa Rosa prostitutes were
asked if they would sleep with Manuel Manoy Alipon. They all
replied: "Never again. Last time he left without paying."
If terrorists would kidnap Manuel Manoy Alipon, they will threaten
to release him unless their ransom is paid, and Sta. Rosa voters
will pay the ransom so he will not be released to create more
calamities for all the people of Santa Rosa City Laguna.
If Manuel Manoy Alipon would send his gang of illegally armed
staff to kill people who hate him, they must kill everyone.
It will not be murder, it will be genocide!
Visitor from Manila: "What is Manuel Manoy Alipon's real trade or profession?"
Balibago Resident: "Robbing the poor to make himself rich."
Visitor from Manila: "How do the poor survive?"
Balibago Resident: "They die from starvation and disease."
Visitor from Manila: "What happens when the poor know the truth about him?"
Balibago Resident: "They use their people power to vote for his opponents."
Visitor from Manila: "What does Manuel Manoy Alipon do after being booted out?"
Balibago Resident: "He uses other people's money to get his kids and cronies elected."
Visitor from Manila: "Could his devious 'power behind the throne' strategy ever work?"
Balibago Resident: "No way. We are onto his every move. Local voter power will elect his opponents."
When he is the barangay captain, Manuel Manoy Alipon makes a speech
saying that Balibago is too dangerous place. Then he goes outside
and beats up poor sick old woman who is begging in the street.
(Webmaster's review February 2011: The above is a serious message, not a joke.)
Barangay Balibago Resident: "Is it true that Manuel Manoy Alipon will take us over again?"
Barangay Balibago Councilor: "No way! Who told you this? It's bullshit!"
Barangay Balibago Resident: "He sends his gang round to recruit new local helpers."
Barangay Balibago Councilor: "It's no surprise. Helpers desert him and go support his opponents."
Barangay Balibago Resident: "His gang say barangay election is not automated."
Barangay Balibago Councilor: "Ah, okay, at least that part is true. What else? "
Barangay Balibago Resident: "They say he will buy votes and bribe officials like before."
Barangay Balibago Councilor: "He will try, as expected, and this time it won't work."
Barangay Balibago Resident: "Poor people need cash to feed their kids. How can they refuse?"
Barangay Balibago Councilor: "They will take his cash, then vote for opponents of his family and cronies."
Barangay Balibago Resident: "But Alipon will send his gang back to punish, and they have guns."
Barangay Balibago Councilor: "Don't worry, my friend. Already we make plans for them, and they will
be trapped by national police and AFP soldiers. Manuel Manoy Alipon and his gang are finished."
Manuel Manoy Alipon's acknowledged specialty as Sta. Rosa's most corrupt Vice Mayor was math.
He subtracted honesty, added corruption, divided public funds and multiplied poverty.
History Student: "Who was this guy Manuel Manoy Alipon?"
History Tutor: "Just an old loser who bullshitted everyone all the time."
History Student: "How did he ever get to be Vice Mayor of Santa Rosa City Laguna?"
History Tutor: "It was before automated city elections. He bought votes and bribed officials."
History Student: "Then what kind of Vice Mayor did he turn out to be?"
History Tutor: "Adulterous, corrupt, disastrous, calamitous, the worst kind conceivable."
History Student: "How did City Hall finally get rid of him?"
History Tutor: "The next city election was automated, and people power voted him out."
History Student: "Could he be a suitable subject for a history essay?"
History Tutor: "Don't waste your time. Manuel Manoy Alipon is a waste of space."
Middle-aged demon Manoy
think he can pass as a boy.
He first dye his hair,
then leave secret lair,
with young city staff as decoy.
But all Santa Rosa find out,
and girls he approach give a shout:
“Don’t trust this fake kid,
who make you a bid.
He’s Satan without any doubt!”
(Webmaster's review February 2011:
The above is a serious message, not a joke.)
Satan: "Moron, your campaign's faked teenage picture failed to get you re-elected. YOU'RE A LOSER!"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "Only at City Hall, Boss, so now I want to control Barangay Balibago again."
Satan: "They'll never make you Captain again, you imbecile, after the corrupt mess that you left them in!"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "But I can control it again through my friends, my sons and my gunmen, Boss."
Satan: "Everyone knows that it's you they represent, and you're a loser, MORON! Your methods won't work!"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "Everyone know what happen in Cotabato, Boss, and will be scared to oppose me."
Satan: "You CRETIN! Nobody's scared of you any more. Your cronies, kids and private army will fail just like you!"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "Why? What do you mean, Boss? I don't understand."
Satan: "The councilors are not stupid like you, MORON. Already they know they are better leaders than you!"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "But we can rig the election, Boss, just like we did it before."
Satan: "The councilors know exactly how you operate, you dummkopf, and next time they will stop you
with the full backing of forces from the PNP and AFP!"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "Not if we bribe or threaten the councilors, Boss."
Satan: "MORON, that's how you've always operated. It's too late. You've really blown it big time. You're a LOSER!"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "I don't understand, Boss. Why can't we do it again? "
Satan: "NOBODY will ever fall for any of your tricks again, Manuel MORON Alipon. You're out of it. You're history.
You've lost all credibility with everyone everywhere. Nobody trusts you any more.
You're a LOSER. You're aTRAITOR. You're no use to anyone. You're a total SHIT,
so GET BACK TO STOKING THE FIRES OF HELL. It's where you belong!!"
Satan: "Admit it, Moron, you've lost the 2010 election!"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "Not yet, Boss, I can delay some precinct returns."
Satan: "What's the point, Moron, when already you're too far behind?"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "Not if I bribe officials in charge of late precincts, Boss."
Satan: "Moron, you will not only lose the election but end up in jail."
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "Not if I bribe lawyers and judges, Boss."
Satan: "Ha ha ha, Moron, you make me laugh. Your corruption is out of control."
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "What do you mean, Boss? I don't understand."
Satan: "That's the sad truth, Moron, you never understand."
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "Then what do you suggest, Boss?"
Satan: "I have a job for you that even you can't ever screw up."
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "A different job for me, Boss, what is it?"
Satan: "Starting tomorrow you'll be joining the crew that stokes the fires of Hell."
There once was a Vice Mayor Manoy,
who thought every girl was a toy.
He went out of his way
to invite them to play,
and made himself look like a boy.
But Alipon's boyish disguise
can't hide his evil red eyes.
The girls came in flock,
then cried out in shock,
as Satan collected the prize.
(Webmaster's review February 2011:
The above is a serious message, not a joke.)
In preparation for the 2010 election Manuel Manoy Alipon visited an image consultant.
Image Consultant: "How may I help you?"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "I need a new image."
Image Consultant: "For what purpose?"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "For my election campaign."
Image Consultant: "What do you want to change?"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "I want to look 35 years younger, and innocent."
Image Consultant: "It's a very big change. Why does it have to be so drastic?"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "Because voters know I'm middle-aged and corrupt."
Image Consultant: "Yes, and I see that's exactly what you look. It will be hugely expensive."
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "No problem. I can pay for anything I want out of public funds."
Image Consultant: "Then let's get started right away. You'll need a complete facelift, followed "
by special daily spa and salon treatments, your hair must be cut shorter and redyed brown
every day to hide the grey roots, you must stop wearing glasses, you must have braces
fitted to your teeth, you must wear makeup for public appearances, and you will be
trained to give convincing fake smiles because your present forced smile shows
much too clearly how greedy, hypocritical and corrupt you really are."
(Webmaster's review February 2011:
The above is a serious message, not a joke.)
Satan: "Why do you dye your hair, wear makeup and put braces on your teeth?"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "To make me look young and innocent, Boss."
Satan: "Already everyone knows that you are a total shit!"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "Some voters don't know what I look like, Boss."
Satan: "They know you're a crook by name. Now you're a crook with dyed hair, makeup and braces!"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "If they think I'm young and innocent they might vote for me, Boss."
Satan: "Ha ha ha, Moron, nobody could ever think you're young and innocent!"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "Why not, Boss? I don't understand you. What do you mean?"
Satan: "All the voters know you work for me, you imbecile! Do they think I'm young and innocent?"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "They might, Boss, if you dye your hair, wear makeup and put braces on your teeth."
Satan: "Moron you just don't get it. You haven't got a hope in Hell of ever being re-elected!"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "All I need is some backing from you, Boss. Why don't you want to help me?"
Satan: "Because I've seen how you trick your backers, Moron, and it brings me nothing but trouble!"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "But that's my specialty, Boss! Tricking people is the only thing I know how to to do!"
Satan: "Exactly, Moron, and the whole electorate knows it. That's why you've lost all credibility in politics."
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "Politics is my life, so how else can I bring you more souls, Boss?
Satan: "You don't have the vision, the versatility or the mental agility to be politically useful to anyone, not even yourself.
Politics could have been your life, you asshole, but your blind greed and small-minded bloated ego blew it big time.
You are much better suited to corrupting little kids in your barangay. That's your peak level of competence."
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "I've been robbed! The image consultant said my new image was everything I needed!
Satan: "You mean that's what you told him, and I know better. You need a brain transplant, not a new image.
You never pay anything with your own money anyway, you steal it from public funds and local businesses."
(Webmaster's review February 2011:
The above is a serious message, not a joke.)
Question: What do you call a seminarian gone bad?
Answer: Manuel Manoy Alipon.
(Webmaster's review February 2011:
The above is a serious message, not a joke.)
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "To get re-elected, Boss."
Satan: "Voters don't believe you after you've been deceiving and robbing them for the past 3 years."
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "I'm good at deceiving and robbing voters, Boss. That's what you trained me for."
Satan: "You've got a point there, Moron, but your lack of foresight and discipline cancels it out."
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "What do you mean, Boss? I don't understand."
Satan: "Exactly, Moron, you don't understand that for my strategy to succeed I need sublety not confrontation."
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "Why not, Boss? You told me it's a war against Jesus. I'm deceiving his followers like you told me to."
Satan: "But you always go too far, Manuel Moron Alipon, and the backlash is now bringing out the forces of Jesus
in strength. They're much more powerful than mine, and that's why he's still up there and I'm still down here!!!"
Vast network of spies
in all 18 barangays
mean Manoy in 2010 can't buy votes.
Every time his men moved,
it can later be proved
with sound-tapes and photos and notes.
Manoy's haus to haus lies,
secretly taped by the spies,
will let people know he's a fraud.
When they find out the truth,
they will strike like Babe Ruth,
and by rivals be welcomed aboard.
"One day when Santa Rosa City Vice Mayor Manuel Manoy G. Alipon is in his office feebly attempting
to attend to any minor details that might be within his very limited almost nonexistent level of
competence, he receive anonymous telephone call requesting assistance. In brainless panic typical
of person that Sta. Rosa voters nickname "brainless wonder", Manoy refuse accept call and shriek for
help from female staff who unfortunately for him are at lunch. So then he ask his private army. As always
advice of Manoy's thugs and gunmen is kill everyone who give him problem. This is what he pay them for.
He say okay, and gunmen answer call. They discover that caller is his own daughter Beatriz. Manoy Alipon
is such a corrupt adulterous incompetent fool that he is happy to put his own family permanently at risk.
How could anyone in Santa Rosa City ever vote for this morally zero adulterer, obsessive self-lover,
Satan-worshipper and total shit? I wish that his evil Satan worship would not be true but it is."
- Santa Rosa City employee who experience Manoy Alipon's satanism
Satan: "Why do you send begging letters to my followers?"Manuel Manoy Alipon: "I need donations for my 2010 election campaign."
Satan: "But they already know that you are a total shit!"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "I will bring you a lot more followers and souls."
Satan: "Manoy you are bad news! Voters don't believe you!"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "That's why I need campaign donations, Boss."
Satan: "Ha ha ha. Manoy you have no political intelligence."
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "I don't understand, Boss. What do you mean?"
Satan: "You make too many enemies and too much trouble."
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "So exactly what are you saying now, Boss?"
Satan: "Find work in a day care center or a nursery school."
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "Why do you suggest working with children, Boss?"
Satan: "Only toddlers might believe you. Bring me their souls!"
One day in Balibago Complex a mugger jumps out of a dark alley,
holds knife to Manuel Manoy Alipon's throat, and shouts: "Give me your
money!" Manoy goes into shock and squeals: "You cannot do this!
I am Sta. Rosa Vice Mayor." Mugger quickly replies: "I know, and now
give back all the money you steal every day from me and my family!"
"People who have known him longest know that in student days Vice Mayor Manuel Manoy Alipon wanted to
model himself on a rich Indian merchant that he read about who kept six wives in different towns without any
of them finding out about the others. Alipon was so overexcited by the first part of this true story that he failed
to read the rest of it. Already he was hyperactively boasting of which six girls he intended to marry and where
he would scatter them around Laguna, Batangas, Cavite and Alabang too far apart ever to meet. But the wives
in the story did eventually find out, and in collusion with a greedy corrupt politician just like Alipon is now they
hired an assassin to kill the merchant and make it look like an accident. They shared the merchant's enormous
wealth equally between the eight people involved so all of them would maintain secrecy. Many years later, after
the six wives had grown old and died from natural causes, the complete story came to light when it was found
that they had jointly kept a secret diary in case the crooked politician ever tried to double cross them. Both the
politician and the assassin were still living when the diary was discovered, and both were executed for murder.
Manoy's anti-Christian corruption is a disgrace to UPHS, to the Catholic Church, to Santa Rosa, and to Laguna."
- Four Alumni of University Of Perpetual Help System, Laguna. (This is true and also a joke. Fact can be funnier than fiction, and here it's tragic too.)
(Neutral noreply Info-Message from our USA Webmaster
Hey Vice Manoy, we have received an email offering you a job
as a Nanny in the UK. It's for a Roman Catholic orphanage,
where you will be strictly supervised by nuns "just in case you
try to lure innocent children to Satan". There is no pay but "if
you repent your sinful corruptions and promise to reform, it
may be possible to provide free accommodation and food".
Santa Rosa City staff tell us: "It's much more than you deserve,
because you are so comprehensively lacking in competence,
honesty, honor, integrity, loyalty, Christian morality, and in any
genuine (not self-promoting) concern for the Filipino people.")
St. Peter: "Why do you send begging letters to God's people?"Manuel Manoy Alipon: "I need donations for my 2010 election campaign."
St. Peter: "But they all know that you are a disciple of Satan!"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "I will repent and repay everyone that I have robbed."
St. Peter: "Ha ha ha. When?"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "After the 2010 mayoral election."
St. Peter: "Ha ha ha. And what about your multiple adultery?"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "I will give up mistresses and be faithful to my wife."
St. Peter: "Ha ha ha. When?"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "After the 2010 mayoral election."
St. Peter: "Ha ha ha. You should be a stand-up comedian!"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "Why do you suggest that I go into showbiz?"
St. Peter: "Because your lies are hilarious! Goodbye Manoy."
Vice Mayor from Amar rape young girl in his car.
"Why me?" sob the girl, "Why keep me here?"
He boast: "I'm the Czar. I'm a Star.
It is great honor to be f****d by me, dear!"
She cry: "You're no star, I know who you are.
You're the Judas who steal from the poor.
Let me out, or I'll shout.
You're a demon! Just open the door!"
Vice turn to his thugs who drink blood from their mugs.
He tell them to kill the young girl.
"Not gun, use the knife, then I go home to my wife.
All this stress puts my head in a whirl."
City Hall the next day has new name to pay.
"Who is this?" Manoy ask at his post.
Staff tell him: "She's dead, and you cut off her head.
Now she haunt you forever as ghost!"
Manoy and his gang in the City Vice Mayor's office are under an illusion
that their illegal weapons will make them invincible. But their days are
numbered. Manoy has sold their souls to Satan, who is leading them
into a trap. The voters of Sta. Rosa will toss them aside in 2010 like
matchsticks in a tsunami. Then Satan will collect their souls.
The joke is on them!
Manuel Manoy Alipon in Satan's office: #2
Manuel Manoy Alipon rejected Jesus to become a disciple of Satan
and the most corrupt Vice Mayor in Santa Rosa's history,
and he forgets that his degenerate and inhumane corruptions will always have adverse repercussion to his family,
friends, colleagues, supporters, backers, sponsors and other politicians far beyond Santa Rosa City, Laguna.
Satan (interrupting): "Cut the crap, I'm not one of your pet volunteers! What do you want?"
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "I need help for my 2010 campaign. Too many people go over to my opponents."
Satan: "We both know that's because you're a total shit, so it won't be easy to stop them."
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "What can I do? Will you help me? I will bring to you any souls that you ask for."
Satan: "I have opponents also, and I need time to think, but first I must stoke up the fires."
Manuel Manoy Alipon: "I said I bring any souls you want. Why wait? What opponents could you ever have?"
Satan: "GOD, ANGELS, MARY and SAINTS, you moron!!! They want to SAVE people's souls!"
Satan later says to Manoy: "I know you would give just about anything to
be Mayor so I'll make you an offer. I will help your campaign, and in return
you will bring me the souls of your wife, your children, your mistresses,
your relatives, your associates in crime, all of your friends and cronies,
your private army and everybody on your payroll at Man-Ali, Balibago
Complex, Amar Village, and the Santa Rosa City offices." The Vice
Mayor is puzzled. He looks up at Satan and asks: "What's the catch?"
Little poor girl in Sta. Rosa need 100 pesos to buy birthday gift for her mother and she pray for
2 weeks but nothing happen. So she write letter to God requesting 100 pesos. Post Office open
letter and someone show it to Manuel Manoy Alipon, who tell his staff send her 5 pesos for "good
public relations." Little poor girl then write letter say: "Thank you God, but you send it through Sta.
Rosa Vice Mayor's office and as usual they crooks steal 95% of people's money."
Manuel Manoy Alipon waits to be judged at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asks: "What have you
done to merit entrance into Heaven?" Manoy thinks for a while and replies: "Last week I give
500 pesos to beggar in street." Angel Gabriel checks the records and says: "You give only 5
pesos to beggar last week." Trying again, Manoy pleads: "Wait, my memory at fault. It is last
year that I give 500 pesos to beggar in street. "Gabriel checks again and says: "You give no
money to beggars last year, only order your guards to beat them up." St. Peter whispers to
Gabriel: "You've seen our record of his life. What do you suggest we do with him?" Gabriel
shrugs and says: "Return his 5 pesos and tell this lying thieving satanist thug to go to Hell."
A Santa Rosa City worker is questioned by his supervisor.
Supervisor: "Is it true that you called Manuel Manoy Alipon a liar?"
Worker: "Yes, I did."
Supervisor: "Did you call him stupid?"
Worker: "Yes."
Supervisor: "Did you call him a corrupt, avaricious, opinionated, egomaniac asshole?"
Worker: "No, but would you write that down so I can remember it?"
Q: Why is Vice Mayor Manuel Manoy Alipon like a used diaper?
A: He needs to be changed because he's so full of it.
St. Peter takes new arrivals on a tour of Heaven, and they go into a huge room filled with clocks. One
of the newcomers asks why they all display different times. St. Peter explains: "There is a life clock
for every person on earth, showing us how much time they have left before they die and are judged."
The newcomer then asks: "Why are some clocks going faster than others?" and St. Peter replies:
"Whenever people lie, it speeds up their clock." Puzzled, the newcomer points to a clock fixed at
center of ceiling and says: "But look at that one. The hands are going round at a fantastic rate!"
St. Peter sighs: "A hopeless case. That is Manuel Manoy Alipon's clock. We use it as a ceiling fan."
Manuel Manoy Alipon gives speech at diocesan meeting to convince priests and nuns that he is Catholic.
"I attribute all my success to the blessings of God in my life," he says. "After leaving the seminary, my first
income from my first job was everything I had in the world and my faith was so strong that I knew I must give
something to God. So I decided to give 75% of all my first job's honestly earned income to God's work. I believe
that God blessed my decision, and that is why I am a rich and successful man today." There is silence from the
audience as he finishes and moves toward his seat. Then as he sits down a little old nun leans over and says
to him: "If all your present income is honestly earned I challenge you to give 75% of it to God's work now."
Question: Why does Manuel Manoy Alipon take his gunmen with him to Boracay in summer?
Answer: To rob maximum number of strangers in minimum number of days.
Q: Why is Holy Week pilgrimage Manuel Manoy Alipon's favorite Philippine tradition?
A: When pilgrims are away, he has more time to rob their homes.
Two small kids were overheard talking at Balibago Complex.
1st Kid: "One of our neighbors is a famous pop singer."
2nd Kid: "Don't know about that, but one of our neighbors is a Vice Mayor."
1st Kid: "Honest?"
2nd Kid: "No, it's Manuel Manoy Alipon."
Q: What's the difference between Manoy and a liar?
A: The spelling.
Manoy Alipon speaks doubletalk. He tells a different lie
out of both sides of his mouth at the same time.
Q: How can we tell when Vice Mayor Manoy is lying?
A: His lips move.
Manuel Manoy Alipon and bodyguards attend a popular Festival where there is hilarious contest with a big prize
to see who can be the most convincing liar. Manoy's ego gets the better of his discretion and he tries to register
his entry. Organizers tell him: "Sorry Vice Mayor, our contest is just for fun. Professional liars are not eligible."
When it is finished and ready for winner's presentation ceremony, they cannot find prize. Manoy has stolen it.
Vice Manoy is as good as his word, and his word is no good.
Q: How is Manoy Alipon worse than a plain liar?
A: He's a liar that's also a hypocrite.
Every word Manoy says is a lie, including "and" and "the".
Q: Why did God make a snake just before Manoy Alipon?
A: To practice.
What do you believe, Manoy's lies or what you've seen and experienced for yourself?
Manuel Manoy Alipon in Satan's office: #3
Manuel Manoy Alipon rejected Jesus to become a disciple of Satan
and the most corrupt Vice Mayor in Santa Rosa's history,
and he forgets that his degenerate and inhumane corruptions will always have adverse repercussion to his family,
friends, colleagues, supporters, backers, sponsors and other politicians far beyond Santa Rosa City, Laguna.
Psychiatrist: "What's your problem, Vice Mayor?"
Manoy: "Everybody thinks I'm a liar!"
Psychiatrist: "I find that hard to believe."
Manoy goes to another psychiatrist for a second opinion.
Psychiatrist: "How may I help you, Vice Mayor?"
Manoy: "Everybody thinks I'm a liar!"
Psychiatrist: "So at last you want them to really know you're a liar?"
Q: How does Manuel Manoy Alipon ever get a good night's sleep?
A: First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
If Manoy ever stops lying about himself, we all
could stop telling the truth about him.
Q: How and when did Vice Mayor Manuel Manoy Alipon first learn the crafts of his profession?
A: As kid he steal bicycle, ride to Confession, then steal different bicycle to ride back.
As a kid Manoy would cycle everywhere with backpack filled with sand. Any time security guard stop him,
guard would ask: "What's in your backpack?" and Manoy would answer: "Sand." Soon all guards get very
suspicious and check his backpack every time, but they find only sand. After Manoy has progessed to more
lucrative scams, one of the guards sees him in Balibago Complex and says: "Hey kid, you had us crazy. We
always know you must be stealing something and already you stop now, so we promise say nothing. But tell
me, what were you stealing?" Manuel Manoy Alipon sniggers condescendingly and answers: "Bicycles."
Manuel Manoy Gonzales Alipon is found guilty of burglary and is given a heavy fine. His lawyer stands up and
says to the Judge: "My client has not enough cash on him to pay at this time, but if the court would allow his
bodyguards, that he has personally trained, just a few short minutes in the luxury condo opposite......."
Replies from Sta. Rosa constituents to a questionnaire in March 2009
Q: What do the people whose votes Manoy bought feel about him now?
A: Used and abused.
Q: What do OFW and foreign investors feel about Manoy now?
A: Contemptuous and disgusted.
Q: What do Sta. Rosa barangay leaders feel about him now?
A: Angry and resentful.
Q: What do many of Kabarangay ni Manoy Movement feel about him now?
A: Shameful and disillusioned.
Q: What do Sta. Rosa City employees feel about him now?
A: Never heard of him. Manoy who???
One good thing about Manuel Manoy Alipon is that he
is very easy to ignore and easier yet to forget.
Vice Manoy loves talking BS, and voters love not listening to his BS.
If spoken words were colored according to their true worth,
everything Manoy ever says would be the color of s**t.
Q: What's the difference between Vice Alipon and a bucket of bulls**t?
A: The bucket.
Vice Manoy sends his gunmen to rob a bank while he is cavorting with his mistress in Calamba.
When they get back he asks how much loot they bring back for him. "Nothing, Vice," they reply,
"we beat up Bank Manager to enter vault, but is empty. The more we look, the more is no cash."
Manoy goes mad. Jumping up and down in shrieking tantrum, he screeches at top of his voice:
"Why not? Can you not do simple thing for me like rob a bank?" His gunmen reply: "What else
can we do, Vice? You send us to rob and empty same bank for you yesterday and day before."
Manoy has earned for himself a special link with the local police - handcuffs.
A vehicle of Man-Ali, the trucking company owned by Manoy Alipon, is
involved in an accident where a pedestrian is killed. The City Vice Mayor
screams: "Leave it to me," and he tosses aside his driver's honest report.
Vice Manoy then produces this statement and insists that his driver must sign it:
"A car in front hit the pedestrian but then he got up. He was staggering all over
the road so I hit him again. He tried to run for the sidewalk but he was too late. I
had to swerve a lot and in the end I got him." The innocent truck driver is jailed.
Is Vice Mayor Alipon always so incredibly stupid or does
he need to raise his game to achieve this low level?
Three men are spying on an armaments factory. One from NPA, one from MILF, one from Man-Ali.
NPA spy says: "We need guns." MILF spy says: "We need ammunitions." Man-Ali spy laughs:
"I hope you can carry everything you need on foot, because tonight we steal all their trucks."
Three men are spying on a bank. One from NPA, one from MILF, one from Man-Ali.
NPA spy says: "We need funds." MILF spy says: "We need funds also." Man-Ali spy laughs:
"Manoy syphons off millions from public funds into his secret personal bank accounts, but
they are in foreign tax havens and he still likes to wipe his ass with new filipino banknotes."
At Man-Ali's depot in barangay Dita, a truck is loaded with guns and ammunition
while another is loaded with flammable drugs. Two utility workers are instructed
to park the two trucks ready for early departure next morning, but in their unskilled
maneuvers they collide head-on, causing explosion and fire which some neighbors
report to police after hearing the noise and seeing the flames and smoke. Desperate
to control the situation, Man-Ali employees try to call Manoy Alipon but discover he
is in Switzerland depositing Philippine public funds into his secret bank account.
They know their only straight business is transporting noodles and biscuits, and
even Man-Ali's contract with Monde Nissin resulted from Manoy's crooked deals
when he was corrupt captain of barangay Balibago. But all they can think of is to
tell the police that one truck contained noodles and the other contained biscuits.
Their story is made public that noodles and biscuits explode on impact. Next day
the stores all over the Philippines are quickly sold out of noodles and biscuits as
all the criminals and terrorists rush to buy this new formula for cheap explosive.
When formula fails, they target Man-Ali for its false claims of Nissin products!
Some people are has-beens. Manuel Manoy Alipon is a never-will-be.
City Vice Mayor Alipon tells us he will go to the ends of the
world for those who support his bid to become Mayor.
Sta. Rosa voters unanimously want him to stay there.
Manoy goes to a beauty salon to renew having his hair dyed
and for his regular facial to make him look younger.
They recommend a brain transplant to become more human
and send him to a surgery, but the brain rejects him.
Whatever anyone says to Manoy goes in one ear and out the other,
because there is only emptiness between them.
Manuel Manoy Alipon in Satan's office: #1
Manuel Manoy Alipon rejected Jesus to become a disciple of Satan
and the most corrupt Vice Mayor in Santa Rosa's history,
and he forgets that his degenerate and inhumane corruptions will always have adverse repercussion to his family,
friends, colleagues, supporters, backers, sponsors and other politicians far beyond Santa Rosa City, Laguna.
"My wife is now on diet of coconuts and bananas," he says.
She never lose weight, but she learns how to climb a tree."
Vice Mayor Alipon goes into church and enters the confessional.
Manoy: "Father forgive me, I have sinned with a married woman".
Priest: "Was it Mrs Espinas?"
Manoy: "No, Father."
Priest: "Was it Mrs Patrimonio?"
Manoy: "No, Father."
Priest: "Was it Mrs. Cortez?"
Manoy: "No, Father."
So the priest tells him to say two Hail Mary's for each time he had sinned with the woman.
Back outside, his gunmen are curious. "How did you do?" they ask.
Manoy replies: "Fantastic, I tell priest nothing and he give me 3 hot prospects!"
Vice Mayor Manuel Manoy Alipon is talking with Man-Ali truck
drivers and says: "I've been in love with the same woman
for several years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me."
Manoy: "My wife is a liar."
Guard: "Why do you say that?"
Manoy: "Our cleaner tell me she not come home last night."
Guard: "Where does she go?"
Manoy: "She say she spend night with her best friend."
Guard: "So what's wrong?"
Manoy: "I am with her best friend all last night."
Manoy: "I don't go to church as much as I used to."
Nun: "Is it because you are too busy?"
Manoy: "No, it's because so many hypocrites are there."
Nun: "Don't let that keep you away, Vice Mayor. There's always room for one more."
Manuel Manoy Alipon is chatting with friends and employees: "My wife
and I have the best secret to making our marriage last," he says.
"Two times a week, we go to our favorite restaurant for good
food and wine. She goes Mondays, I go Fridays."
On return from vacation, Manuel Manoy Alipon says to Sta. Rosa City workers:
"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."
Manuel Manoy Alipon and his gunmen were on a ferry that was sinking. An emergency
announcement over the ship's loudspeakers directed women to the lifeboats.
"Screw the women!" screeched Manoy, desperately clawing his way to the front.
"Not now, Vice," exclaimed his gunmen, "You don't have time!"
Manuel Manoy Alipon and his gunmen are on the lower deck of a ferry in rough sea.
Turning green, Manoy rushes to the side and vomits over the front of his clean shirt.
He points to a man on the upper deck and shrieks to his gunmen: "Beat that man and lock
him up for an hour because he vomited over my shirt!" Then he goes to his cabin and rests.
Three hours later the sea is calm, and Manoy comes out in fresh clothes. Seing a badly beaten
man locked up by his gunmen, he asks: "Why is he still here? I said one hour." His gunmen
reply: "When your laundry was collected we saw that he must have shat in your pants too."
Q: What would happen if Vice Mayor Alipon fell out of a plane over the sea?
A: Instead of the only shark in town, he'd be one of thousands in the ocean.
Q: Why did the sharks eat all the people in the water except Manoy Alipon after the boat sank?
A: Professional courtesy.
Manuel Manoy Alipon is not fit to sleep with pigs.
We support animal rights. Pigs deserve better.
We would probably find Vice Mayor Alipon more interesting
had we studied monkeys at university, but don't get us wrong.
We are not trying to make a monkey out of Manoy.
He fully deserves all the credit he gets for this.
People can't say that Manuel Manoy Alipon has no relevant qualities. His inferiority,
incompetence, untrustworthiness, greed, corruption and depravity are all relevant.
Q: Why does Manoy think he is so wonderful when nobody else thinks this?
A: Satan told him that eating balut would turn him into Superman.
Manoy is bulls******g when he says he started from nothing
and achieved something. The accurate version is he started
from seminary and religion then achieved depravity and corruption.
Manuel Manoy Alipon rejected Jesus to become a disciple of Satan
and the most corrupt Vice Mayor in Santa Rosa's history
Q: Why did Manoy become a corrupt politician after attending a Catholic seminary?
A: Satan told him that crucifix was an abbreviation for crooked fixer.
Q: How on earth did you bump into a demon from hell?
A: We visited the Vice Mayor's office.
Nobody can have a higher opinion of Manoy than the Balibago residents
have, and they all think he is an obnoxious untrustworthy degenerate.
One Day Satan and Manoy challenged Jesus and St. Peter to
a badminton doubles match. St. Peter said: "But Jesus can
work all kinds of miracles far beyond the power of Satan,
so how could you possibly win?" Manoy just sneered:
"I always bribe the umpire."
Senator: "Would you sleep with me for 5 million pesos?"
Manoy: "We would have to discuss terms."
Senator: "Would you sleep with me for 5 pesos?"
Manoy: "What kind of Vice Mayor do you think I am?"
Senator: "Manoy, we have already established that,
so we are merely haggling about the price."
Manoy is so crooked that he is beginning to disappear up his own rear end.
Someone in the USA invented a thief-catching machine, and it
was so effective that they started to export them. These machines
reduced robberies all around the world except for the one they
exported to the Philippines, where Manoy stole it.
Vice Mayor Manuel Manoy Alipon and his gunmen are outside the entrance to Heaven.
St. Peter sees them creeping up to the Pearly Gates, so he runs to God and asks:
"God, Manoy and his gang of armed Satan worshipers are at the Pearly Gates. What do I do?".
God replies, "Just do what you normally do with that type. Direct them down to Hell."
St. Peter goes to obey God's command and comes rushing back crying: "God, they're gone!"
"Calm yourself, Peter," hushes God. "Now tell me. Who has gone? The Satan worshipers?"
St. Peter cries out in anguish: "No, the Pearly Gates! Vice Mayor Alipon has stolen them!"
Some people bring everyone happiness.
Manoy Alipon brings everyone depression.
Manoy is a nothing but a 'red herring'.
Red because he is a disciple of Satan.
Herring because everything he does is fishy.
Vice Manoy wants to be somebody,
so why does he have to be him?
We do not know what makes Manoy Alipon so screwed up,
but whatever it is, it works.
Q: Why is Dishon. Manuel Manoy Alipon proof of reincarnation?
A: He could not have gotten so screwed up in one lifetime.
Manoy - the aptly named man of vice - has such a big mouth that
he can eat bananas sideways and talk bulls**t at the same time.
Manoy and his accomplice had broken into a luxury condo to steal
the owner's valuables, when a police siren was sounded outside.
Manoy: "Oh! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window."
Accomplice: "But this is the 13th floor."
Manoy: "Hurry! This is no time for superstitions."
After the accomplice has jumped to his death on the concrete below,
Manoy stuffs jewelry into his pockets, walks out the front door and
tells the police: "I am City Vice Mayor of Sta. Rosa visiting friends here.
When we look out the window we see someone fall from apartment on
13th floor." Having sold the jewelry, he later states under oath that he
does not know the dead burglar and has never seen him before."
One night Manoy is burgling a house in one of Sta. Rosa's most expensive subdivisions.
In the dark he hears a voice say: "Jesus is watching you."
After shining his flashlight around nervously, Manoy continues to look for valuables.
The voice repeats: "Jesus is watching you."
He shines his flashlight around even more nervously and sees a parrot in its cage.
Manoy: "Did you say that?"
Parrot: "I was just trying to warn you, that's all."
Manoy: "Why? Who are you? What's your name?"
Parrot: "I'm proud to say my name is Moses."
Manoy: "I don't believe you. What kind of stupid people would name a parrot 'Moses'?"
Parrot: "The same people who named a Rottweiler 'Jesus', and he loves to eat burglars!"
Vice Manoy has delusions of competence.
Is he a moron, or is he only retarded?
Why does Vice Mayor Manoy get up in the morning?
We're not being rude; it’s just that he doesn't matter.
Q: What does Manoy do on vacation?
A: He has a Devil of a time
Q: What language does Manoy speak?
A: Devilish
We could never have a more corrupt Vice Mayor. For Manoy to
be more corrupt he must steal from himself, because he is the
only person in Sta. Rosa that he does not already steal from.
If constituents have ever said anything that offends
Manuel Manoy Alipon, it's only because he really earned it
and because they really meant it.
Manoy and Satan challenge Jesus and St. Peter to see whose team can produce
the best campaign presentation in just 2 hours. They sit at desks facing each
other like in a duel with a computer as each team's weapon. Satan and Manoy seek to
exploit voters' negative thoughts on the agonies of poverty and fears of the future
by tempting them with addictive escapist pleasures. Jesus and St. Peter focus on the
positives such as voters' determination to improve their lives and build a better future
for their children. With only 1 minute left, there's a power cut. Both computers go down
but electricity comes back after a few seconds and soon the contest is over. Jesus and
St. Peter have completed a wonderfully inspirational presentation, but Manoy was wild
and screeched at them: "You cheated! You created a power cut! We lost everything when the
electricity went out!" St. Peter remained calm. "Jesus does not cheat," he replied. "Jesus saves."
"The most hypocritical and corrupt Vice Mayor in Santa Rosa's history."
"Called by SATAN to deceive and rob the people."
"He is a liar, an adulterer, a deceiver, a fraudster, a plunderer, a robber and a thief."
"He is the most dishonorable man in Santa Rosa."
- Poll of Constituents 2009
Dishonorable Manuel Manoy 'JUDAS' Alipon
SNEAKY TREACHEROUS BETRAYER OF
GOD'S TRUST AND GOD'S PEOPLE
"We know God's Word says, 'Woe to those who call evil good,' but that is exactly what we have done.
We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values. We have exploited the poor. We
have polluted the air. We have abused power and called it politics. We have coveted our neighbor's
possessions and called it ambition. We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers."
- Billy Graham, Evangelist
"It's more than urgent. The whole world is in a crisis now. We can't continue to blame other people and
other nations when our own economies and environments are in obvious distress. Somehow the whole
world must put aside all nationalistic and philosophical differences, because acting in isolation will
never solve global problems. There is no alternative but to work together for our children's future. If
localized arrogance or stubbornness prevents this collaboration, there will be no future for anybody,
not even for those who see global collaboration as a threat."
- Larg bin Jimmin
"Corruption harms society,
undermines democracy and weakens the rule of law."- United Nations
"People everywhere are in great need of honesty and integrity in government."
- Rudy Giuliani, former Mayor of New York and world-acclaimed Leader In Time Of Crisis
